1 year later

It’s been a year since the phone rang shortly after 4:00am delivering the news that would forever change our lives. I’ve waited a year to let reality set in, before trying to put scattered thoughts into meaningful words. My own pain has been hard for me to justify, after watching a mother lose her son, a sister lose her brother, a brother lose his best friend, a family tree lose it’s most colorful leaf…my own loss seemed insignificant in comparison. But please know that I feel deep pain and a tremendous sense of loss, unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. As I attempt to learn from the lessons that death intends to teach, I’m finding small pieces of hope left in your wake. I’m seeing the people you left behind make meaningful changes in their lives as the process of healing takes place…whether it’s taking themselves a little less seriously, taking more time to enjoy life, spending less time worrying, taking advantage of opportunities to be with friends and family before the opportunities aren’t there or just being thankful for each day that we’re given on this earth, and living life to it’s fullest.

This past year has made me much more aware of death and the loss that people everywhere cope with every day, and I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no good timing, and no appropriate way to leave…there will always be people left behind asking “why?” and wishing for another day. There were loved ones who never got to wish you a Happy Birthday, friends who never said Good-Bye, that last “I Love You” that someone forgot to say, the second chance someone never gave you, the rushed conversation that someone wishes would have lasted a little bit longer…so many people left begging for a second chance, wishing there was a rewind button. But I hope that comfort can be found in knowing that you were happy, enjoying your life and at peace with yourself when your time was up. It doesn’t make it fair, but nothing can.

I know you’re with us in spirit, but I want to reassure you that things are exactly as you’d want them…in spite of this tragedy your family has rallied together and become an inspiring force of support and strength. They are truly keeping your spirit alive and I’m honored and thankful to be a part of it. Your friends are still sharing all your crazy stories and vowing to forever remember that incredible smile, your zest for life and the love you so generously shared with everyone around you. There is a Native American Proverb that says “They are not gone who live in the hearts they left behind” and I can find no stronger testament to that than you.

I still cry over you during the hard times, but when times are good, you know I’m raising my glass and toasting to you! As time goes by, I’m hoping for less crying and a lot more toasting, and I know that’s how you would want it. Cheers to you, Daniel.

Carli